#because the people who follow that are generally familiar with the community or part of it

[thornheartless]

The occasional urge to be otherkin on main Vs wanting to keep that on my sideblog so I don't have to explain it

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

✨ let’s do a twst trade ✨

Hello ^^;;

This might be coming out of the blue. I’m typically a very private person and tend to stick with social circles I’m already familiar with.

Recently, I’ve been thinking that it would be nice to put myself out there and interact more! I can get easily overwhelmed, so I thought a good way to go about this is to do a handful of art/writing trades. This keeps the number low and conversation approachable, and I think that’d help slowly ease me into being more comfortable interacting and participating in community events.

***UPDATE: Trades now closed, thank you all for the interest!***

Here are the parameters and other important notes (setting these for my own comfort and lifestyle):

This will be a Twisted Wonderland themed trade because that’s the one thing we can guarantee to have in common.

I’ll write a fic for you! Minimum 1-2k words (but I tend to ramble so it could easily go higher than that), starring at least 2 characters (I can write more, but let’s not go too crazy and ask for all 22 NRC students in one fic).

I CAN write platonic, romantic, angst, fluff, yandere, AUs, etc.

I’m okay with writing any and all TWST characters, including staff, RSA students, family members, and other NPCs.

Of course, OCs are also welcome! I’d love to learn more about yours.

Be prepared with references for your OC(s) if applicable. This could include illustrations, but at the bare minimum should include a written explanation of who the character is, their personality, likes/dislikes, and relationships with canon characters.

There are limits to what I will write, as I am uncomfortable with some subject matters. For example, I’m not willing to write anything pregnancy-related. We can discuss my “no goes” in more detail if we decide to trade!

Upon request, I can do a simple digital piece of art OR a washi tape illustration (you won’t receive the physical piece, just a picture of it) for you. I believe most people know me more for my writing, but I wanted to keep these options on the table!

You trade me a fic of your own OR an artwork of roughly the same quantity/quality. As the saying goes, “what you give is what you get.”

We will talk and agree before we start on our pieces what each of us will generally provide at the end. (For example, a 5k word fic for a full color waist up illustration, 1k word fic for a black-white doodle, etc.)

You have to be okay with receiving a vague prompt. I like to be surprised, so I’ll probably just give you a list of general themes, ideas, and characters I like, then set you loose to see what you come up with.

You can be as specific as you like with your own prompt for me though—I’m flexible. Let me know what you don’t like as well so I can avoid including those elements.

To keep things fair, we’ll both hold onto our pieces and exchange them at the same time.

Regarding my written piece, it will be in a Google Doc for you to access.

This is NOT first come, first serve. I can only realistically take on 3-5 trades at this time depending on interest and complexity. If I turn you down, it’s nothing personal!

Priority will be given to mutuals (chances are that there’s more likely to be common ground if we’re already following each other).

Preference will be given to those indicated as adults in their blog intros/profiles (this is just what vibes the best with my personal communication style)

Be patient!! It may take me a few weeks or more to complete my part.

Be aware that doing a trade with me does NOT necessarily mean we will become best friends, and nor should this be the expectation 😅

If you’re okay with the above and are interested in a trade, please DM me! In your DM, you should indicate some prompts/ideas for what you’d like me to write. Please wait for me to respond; do NOT assume that I’ve accepted the trade request just because you’ve messaged me.

[summerlinenss]

Continuing the discussion from Twitter about Taika possibly not being straight, I do hesitate to diagnose strangers with 'queer' because it's usually done by utalising stereotypes (like just him being flamboyant or the latest 'evidence' of him being at a Paris Hilton concert, he seems to go to pretty much everything.)

Without getting too parasocial, the everyone's a bit queer quote from before Thor 4 seemed different though, almost like a soft launch? The dumb backlash was unfortunately familiar to me, as someone who poked her head out of the closet, only to be met with a resounding 'we don't want you'. If he was trying to do that, I dont blame him for not trying since, I certainly havent.

Like i don't think he's a closeted gay, theres no indication that his romantic relationships with women havent been real, but he is from a generation that flat out didnt think bisexuality was a real thing. And the fact he's older and has talked about growing up in a toxic masculinity culture probably has more to with it.

I dunno, i know i shouldnt be think about strangers like this, but some things he's said feel familiar to me

(context for those not on the bird app)

i totally agree with not labelling anyone, and (regardless of how he does identify) taika seems very comfortable in his sexuality, which is all that matters. however, there’s also nothing he’s ever done to make me assume he is straight, if that makes sense?

i definitely took his out magazine interview as a sort of soft launch, as you said. especially since he followed it up with a “coming out” joke tweet. but the amount of vitriol he faced for it was absurd, and it’s still so strange to me how people instantly took his comments in bad faith instead of making the fairly obvious assumption that he was just saying “i consider myself to be part of this community.”

a quote i actually think about a lot is from when taika was on the vanity fair little gold men podcast (around 00:59:45) and got into talking about the stereotypical hyper-masculine culture of growing up in aotearoa, and i feel like it gives some insight into his feelings on this subject:

“I will tell ya, I grew up in a — a pretty macho culture and a very macho country. Where it’s like, you know, you play rugby and, you know, you drink beer, and it’s, like… kind of, life is just set out for you, and… how boring? You know? It’s just, like, you know, it’s like — people are like, ‘Well, I don’t want any immigrants here,’ and then complain that there’s only one type of food to eat. And so, it’s like… you know, that you… want to have an interesting life and you want to be able to — you want to expose yourself to art, and to — you know, to various cultures and various types of people. So for me, growing up, I… I was exposed to that from an early age through, like, on my mother’s side, especially. So it was, like… there were a lot of eccentric and interesting and weird artists and stuff in my life. Um, so it wasn’t, like, a later in life, big shock for me. It was always there. But I think I’ve realized that there are so many ways of being a man, and… and to be… just macho and to just want to be, like… just straight. Just to be, like, so determined to be straight, is… so… sad. And, like — and also is — it just feels so tiring. Wouldn’t it be so tiring just to, like, have to hold on to something that no one cares about? So — so tightly? And it’s, like, look, if you just let go and accept who — then we don’t have to have the conversation. We can talk about more important things. But the idea that we still have to talk about all of this is mad. (…) So, you know, it’s like… I would much rather have the discussions around, you know, more intense, more upsetting things that are happening to humanity than, like, who someone’s in love with.”

[songsofadelaide]

Hello! Recently read a few of your kn8 Soshiro x Reader fics and fell in love with your writing style. It's so lovely, and I really like your portrayal of him! If you're okay with requests, can you maybe write a Soshiro/female!Reader story where the two have a number of memorable chance meetings from childhood to adulthood, until they "officially" meet in the Defense Force? I'm lowkey obsessed with the idea of two people who meet as kids and are repeatedly separated and reunited during different stages of life, before reuniting for good as adults who can be together. Bonus points if the reader is Kafka's silly little sister!

Sorry if this is a lot, and thanks for reading it all!

I love your big brain, anon. The childhood friends trope is really at the top of everything for some reason! But soulmates, too? (Or something like that lol.) These are just a few of my favourite things to write.

Hope you enjoy this!

cw: (F) Reader/OC has a name in this fic, Hibino Mayari, and is six years younger than Kafka and one year younger than Mina. There may be some inaccuracy with the ages. Written with a generic (f) reader in mind. ✧ Mayari is the deity of the moon, night, war, revolution, equality, and strength in the Philippines. Since Kafka had a unique name, I thought I'd give his little sister one, too. Think of it as their mother being some kind of voracious reader and giving her children names they absolutely cannot find in souvenir shops. wc: 3.8k

✧ Stardust - Sakura Fujiwara

stardust

Lucky stars, a trick of the gods, destiny— you could call your meeting so many different things. Strings so intricately twined that you'd think it to be a single rope, raindrops from the same cloud falling into the same ocean, and shadows coming together as the sun reaches a point in the sky. There wasn't a single part of you that wouldn't recognise the soul that touched yours that fateful day.

What was it like to make a promise to someone? Your older brother promised you many things— sweets after school, a piggyback ride whenever you got tired of running after him, and taking you wherever you wanted. Such were the little sister privileges granted to you by your older brother Kafka.

In the wake of your home's destruction, you remember him making a promise to a girl— your next-door neighbour Mina, and how they both swore to rise above and become the coolest Defense Force Officer the world has ever seen. You wanted in on that promise, too, and Kafka agreed only because you were his younger sister, his only one in this world. And Mina agreed because there was no way she could refuse you and your eagerness.

"I want to be a Defense Force Officer, too!"

"Then let's race! Me, Mina, and Mayari! Let's see who becomes the coolest of them all!" 

Not long after making that promise, you were caught amid a Yoju attack that separated you from Kafka and your mother. You screamed and wailed for your older brother, for anyone at that point, only to be rescued by a lone swordsman who swept through the field with his single blade. Your nameless saviour brought you to the nearest evacuation centre, where you reunited with your family and the rest of your community. 

You only knew swordsmen from legends and anime and not even once in your life did you ever think you'd be rescued by one, but then you were. And you couldn't peel your eyes away from the older man, who was clearly flattered by how you followed him around the evacuation centre with your curious eyes. 

"Is there anything I can do for you, little one?"

"I—! I want to be a swordsman, too!"

He chuckled at your declaration, calling it an admirable intention, but the light in your eyes revealed the depth of your earnestness— a rarity for children like you who have lost nearly everything in your life— mostly due to Kaiju attacks. 

The old man in the familiar Defense Force uniform crouched down and held out his hand for a handshake with you. "Very well. If you wish to devote yourself to the way of the sword, you must be willing to sacrifice your existing way of life."

He scrounged a wrinkled sheet of paper and a pen and wrote down an address that your practised eyes could read. "Ho… shina?"

"That's correct. If you truly wish to learn more about swordsmanship, come to this place, and I will teach you all that our family knows." 

That little scrap of paper became your most treasured possession. After weeks of pestering your older brother to take you to that place, he eventually relented and allowed you a maximum of 30 minutes before he came to pick you up again. 

You were almost turned away from the dojo when the students mistook you for a lost child, but your saviour recognised you— and your eyes filled with hope. When you introduced yourself to him once more and reiterated your intention to learn the way of the sword, he acknowledged you with a deep bow, which you quickly imitated. 

"I have a son your age. He will be the one to teach you the most basic yet valuable lessons when it comes to swordsmanship," he said before gesturing at a boy in the same haori and hakama as him. "Soshiro."

Rumours about the high schooler Hibino Mayari and her incredible sword arm reached even the ears of her older brother in college. While you remained his adorable little sister for the most part, it was clear to Kafka that you had a gift for the sword you had to continue honing. From his estimation, you won't have any difficulty passing the Defense Force Entrance Exams, but that will depend on your overall combat power and affinity for firearms. 

At 23, he had already failed four times, while you had one more year before you could take it yourself. And while you didn't wish for your brother to lose hope, the way things were going for him did not bode well. 

You were both home for the weekend, Kafka with his can of beer in hand while you practised your swings with your bokken in your backyard. 

"Aniki," you started. "Mina nee-san will take the entrance exams later this year, right?" 

"Yeah. Wish her luck when you can," he told you. "Speaking of which, didn't you say your friend will be taking the exam, too?" 

"Shiro-kun has family in the Defense Force. Though I doubt he'd try to get in the force by family connections alone," you said with a smile. "It's been years since I last saw him, so I wonder if he's really going to take the exam this year like he said before."

As a child, you learned everything you could about swordsmanship under the tutelage of the age-old samurai clan, but after being assessed at the age of 13, the Hoshina patriarch declared you a shodan, an estimation which meant you already had a clear grasp of the basics of swordsmanship. 

"It's a pity they had to let you go just when you were getting good, huh?" Kafka remarked as he drank deep from his can of beer. 

"I know, but Shisho said Shiro-kun and I were quickly becoming big fish in a small pond and training with a single person for a long time would narrow our perspective, so we had to start training with others. At least that's what he told me," you replied to him as you rested your bokken on your stiff shoulder. "I'm glad the schools I went to had Kendo clubs with members of varying levels of strengths and skill, so I was able to make use of my knowledge while learning new things at the same time." 

"Oh, come on. You learned swordsmanship from an elite dojo. We both know you just wanted to show off— ow!" He said with a small snort, to which you replied by lightly kicking his shin. "Mayari!"

"Well, maybe I do want to show off a little," you huffed at your older brother. 

"They even gave you some tacky nickname, right? Crescent blade Mayari! Pfft!"  

You kicked his shin a bit harder this time. "Aniki! I didn't ask for that! My kouhais thought it was cool, so…"

"So you ran with it," Kafka nodded at you before gently kicking you back. You could tell from the way he looked at you that he kind of wanted to cry. "I am proud of you, Mayari."

That can't be helped, you told yourself. Aniki is always so honest with himself, after all. 

"Thank you, aniki. Don't go crying on me now. I'll always be your adorable little sister," you replied to him with a laugh and playfully batted your eyelashes at him. "Speaking of which, this adorable little sister of yours just saw this pretty dress in—"

"H-Hey! Don't get too ahead of yourself, Mayari!" 

"Aniki," you said to him with a smile. "I hope you know I'll always be rooting for you, too, so don't give up, okay? I'm sure Mina nee-san will be waiting for you— and me— when she passes the exam this year."

"Shiro-kun!" 

It was an endearing nickname that was even more endearing by the sweet way you said it. If he was being honest, Soshiro did not think much of you back then. For him, you were just a little girl his father invited to learn and train swordsmanship. You were different from him in the way flowers grew from the same bush. While they were equally tended to, some will grow larger than others and bloom more brilliantly, too. 

He likened you to a grafted plant— one attached to him by the roots. And brilliantly did you bloom, indeed. A wildflower that thrived from the same water and sunlight as he did. For him, it was only a matter of time until you bloomed in fullness and outgrew him, but that never happened because his father uprooted you to the quick— for growing at a rate he did not expect from someone like you. 

That, and he did not expect his sons to start fighting over you. And though you were one of his most excellent pupils, he didn't deem you worth the trouble his sons would stir if you did not permit them to tame you. 

You parted your place of learning in good faith and had nothing but gratitude for the Hoshina Family, but there were times you thought it was unfair. He will continue learning under the best of the best while you have to carry on by yourself… But you were more disheartened by the fact that you would not see him again. 

Soshiro was truly the best rival you could ever ask for. As you entered middle school and high school and razed through club after club and joined every tournament you could, you soon realised that no one else could ever come close to him— both in skill and in something else you couldn't quite put a finger on. You searched for him in every opponent you came across, only to be disappointed time and again that they were not even at your level. 

In your final year of high school, during your school's long-anticipated cultural festival, the drama club needed someone with your skill, and they made you the centrepiece of their performance by teaching you a sword dance that drew spectators to your graceful form. 

"She's a marvel."

For once in his life, Soshiro was glad to have let his curiosity win him over. He was glad he sighted you in your high school's silly-looking cultural festival poster— for never did he expect to see the most beautiful wildflower in full bloom, adorned with silk and grace that did little to conceal her thorns as she danced to the strong yet tender rhythm of an equally gorgeous piece of music played on a shamisen. 

That was his wildflower. 

When he came to see you after your performance, all you could say was his name. "Shiro-kun!"

And it sounded just as sweet as when he last heard it. 

"Are ya just dancin' now?"

"Of course not! I was just helping the drama club!" You retorted with a smile. "If you wish to challenge me, all you have to do is ask." 

Your wordless duel of wooden swords was akin to dance as well, both of you equally deft, your movements measured and graceful, almost like spinning before a mirror until your dull blades were pressed against each other's necks. 

"I see time has not dulled your skills. That's good."

"It looks like time has been incredibly good to ya, too," he said, a familiar glint of mischief in his wine-dark eyes. "You've gotten prettier, Mayari-chan."

"Hmm. Not exactly the words I was looking for, but good enough, I suppose," you shook your head at him before breaking out into a smile. "It's good to see you again, Shiro-kun."

Mina's meteoric rise to the rank of Division Captain did not surprise you. Ever since you were children, she had always been more focused on her goals compared to Kafka, who only desired the coolness associated with being a Defense Force officer. She vouched for your potential when you took the entrance exams and passed with the help of her commendation, though she reassured you herself that your own skills brought you there to where she was. 

And though you were subsequently assigned to a different division, she kept in touch with you as you both anticipated your older brother's arrival.

An arrival that never came. 

When you last phoned your home, it was only then you found out that Kafka had moved out and started working as a monster cleaner. It was a noble profession for you, of course, but you couldn't help but think—

—of how lonely your older brother must have been to have received rejection after rejection from something he had wanted to do all his life—

And it pains you to think that behind his smile when he congratulated you for passing the exams and becoming an officer was the sting of dismissal. 

When Kafka stopped calling to check in on you, you figured he might be busy with his job. Behind your stellar performance during missions was a strong sense of duty and a great fear of failure that allowed you to focus on the things you can control. You missed your older brother, but it was his choice to give up. 

However, you sensed a change in the wind after receiving a summon from the Captain of the Third Division out of the blue.

"Captain Ashiro called for you again, Mayari. I know she's always looking forward to seeing you in joint training, but doesn't she realise how stressful it is having to travel to Tokyo so often?" 

The Captain of the Fourth Division, Ogata Jugo, was a relatively relaxed man for the most part, but he was also incredibly insightful. He had no qualms about promoting you to a Platoon Leader despite your inclination to use swords in missions. He believes in allowing officers to use their own weapons of choice and that you would eventually use a gun when the situation calls for it. 

Captain Ogata trusts your skills, but he trusts your critical thinking even more. 

"I don't really mind all the travelling, Captain, sir," you replied to him with your usual cheer. Nagano to Tokyo wasn't a walk in the park but a three-and-a-half-hour car ride.

"Well, I do. You are my Platoon Leader, after all. You must defend this base when the situation arises," your captain said with a sigh. "I'm betting that Ashiro would do just about anything to have you transferred to her division."

"Nonsense, Captain. My place is here," you reassured him. "And while I do enjoy being the apple of her eye, I don't think I'll work well under the Third Division and its Captain."

"Why'd you think that?"

"Because Captain Ashiro would sooner lose herself in the battle than send me out," you said with a small shrug. "Sisterly instincts, I suppose. More importantly, I like working with you and our division, Captain, sir."

"You should tell that to her," your Captain chuckled.

"But for the record, Captain, I enjoy seeing her, too," you replied with an easygoing laugh. "I hope you continue to be lenient with me, sir."

"All right, all right. Go before I change my mind," Ogata stated as he shooed you away with a slow swatting motion. "And don't forget to bring me back some of that stuff you last brought."

You gave him a sharp salute and the same warm smile he enjoyed seeing on your face. "I'll be sure to bring home a bottle or two for you, Captain, sir!"

Tachikawa Base never failed to amaze you. You found it more of a marvel compared to Headquarters, seeing as it was at the centre of the busiest city in Japan, but it was a constant magnet of Kaiju attacks, too. 

The entrance exams concluded Tachikawa Base's busiest time of the year, and with fresh recruits to fill in the ranks, more joint training sessions would soon be set to foster a warm relationship and camaraderie among the different members of the Defense Force's Eastern Divisions. 

Mina received you at her office as per protocol, the one place where you could simply be friends and not Captain and subordinate. 

"Fourth Division Platoon Leader Hibino Mayari at your service," you stated your name with a sharp salute and dignity tied to your esteemed position. "It's good to see you again, Captain Ashiro, ma'am."

"It's good to see you well, Mayari-chan," the older woman saluted right back before offering you a handshake. "I'll have to thank Captain Ogata for permitting your visit this time again."

"I'll buy his clemency before I head back to Nagano, Mina nee-san," you said with a laugh. "How did the entrance exams go this year, by the way? I only heard from Captain Ogata that something… strange happened."

Mina squeezed your hand and motioned for you to sit next to her. "This year's exams were nothing short of strange, I'll tell you that. But there's something I want to show you, too."

Having the Division Captain herself guide you through the many halls and walls of her base meant you had to return many greetings and salutations from younger officers. Mina was evidently well-loved by her division and adored by the masses for her levelheadedness that calmed whatever panic struck them during Kaiju attacks. After what seemed to be fifteen minutes of walking, you finally arrived at the base training ground, where most of the recruits gathered for their routine drills. 

"One of these days, we'd like for you to visit again when we host the annual goodwill Kendo match," she stated, eyeing the state of her division's recruits from above the area's gate. 

"I'd be glad to take part in…" You answered her, only for her to give you a small smile as she pointed down at one of the Third Division's recruits.

Lagging behind their laps was one older man gasping for breath, while a younger man slowed his pace to keep up with him. 

"Aniki…?!" 

Kafka turned to the direction of that endearment like clockwork, only to find you and Mina curiously peering down at him from the gate while the rest of his cohort eventually outran him. 

"Mayari! And Mina, too!" 

"Another 30 laps for calling your superiors by their names, Officer Hibino," Mina shot back at him, to which he replied with a small groan of protest. "You can catch up with Platoon Leader Hibino once you're done with your drills and punishment."

You managed to laugh off your older brother's misfortune over his excitement at seeing you, but your amusement was swiftly replaced by the same kind of shock that came over Kafka when you saw yet another figure in the same sleek black uniform approach you and Mina.

"Captain Ashiro! I didn't expect to see you here today! I was told you have a guest…"

"Ah!"

"Eh?"

"Sh-Shiro-kun?!"

"Huh. So you're that Shiro-kun, Hoshina? Mayari-chan told us much about you when we were young," Mina mused aloud, though you knew from the small smile on her face that she sewed everything seamlessly. "What a small world we live in. To think that one of my oldest friends knows my Vice Captain." 

"I-I apologise for speaking out of turn, V-Vice Captain Hoshina!" You mustered a nervous salute directed at your childhood rival, now one of the Third Division's most prominent superior officers. "I-It's good to see you again, sir!"

"Fancy meeting you here, Mayari-chan. Or should I say Platoon Leader—"

"Fourth Division Platoon Leader Hibino Mayari at your service, Vice Captain, sir! I'm here at Captain Ashiro's invitation." 

Hibino? He thought to himself. Same as the stand-out candidate from this year's exams— "Wait a second, are you actually Kafka's sister?!"

"I hope my older brother hasn't been causing you any trouble, sir," you let out a nervous little chuckle. "Truth be told, I haven't spoken to him in the last few years and I did not expect to see him here at all. Mina nee-san— I mean, Captain Ashiro only informed me about this today."

"I see. Then you two must have a lot of catching up to do," he replied to you with a warm smile, to which Mina responded by patting him on his shoulder. 

"You two have a lot of catching up to do, too, wouldn't you agree, Hoshina?" 

"Well, I— It's just that Mayari-ch— I mean, I simply thought Platoon Leader Hibino would like to hear about her brother's exploits so far…?" 

"Make good use of your time while you're here, Platoon Leader Hibino. Seeing as Hoshina is here, too, you should discuss the goodwill Kendo match between our divisions as well."

"O-Of course, Captain Ashiro, ma'am!" 

She gave your shoulder a quick squeeze as well, before eventually whispering in your ear, "Kafka-kun and I will be waiting for you, so make sure you two catch up well."

As Mina disappeared back to the base's main building, you were left to watch how Soshiro conducted drills and training exercises with his division's recruits. Nearly everyone cheered for Kafka as he finished the last of his additional 30 laps around the training ground before they all shuffled back to the mess hall, you and their Vice Captain trailing them from behind.

"Anything on yer mind, Mayari-chan?"

"How is Shisho? I hope he's been well." 

"The old man's as stubborn as a fox, I'll tell ya that. I suppose I'll have to let him know that one of his most prized students made it here again."

"Does he still remember me?" 

"'Course he does, even though we only knew you as Mayari-chan. You're one of his most dedicated pupils, after all," Soshiro stated with a grin. "One time he said he regretted letting ya go. But I'm sure he'll change his tune when he finds out how much better you've become, both with a sword and with yer guns…"

"You think I've gotten better with just a glance?" You teasingly asked him. "The last we met, you said I only got prettier."

"Well, pardon me for noticing your face before everythin' else," he shrugged at you. "And I wasn't jokin' about that, either. You did get prettier."

"And now? I can show you how well I've grown. If you wish to challenge me, all you have to do is ask." 

Soshiro chuckled at your instigation, only for him to tell you with the most familiar glint of mischief in his eyes, "I think you're mistaken there, Platoon Leader. You're the challenger here."

"Of course, sir. How could I forget that I'm on your turf?" You said with a hearty laugh. "Shall we put on a show for your lucky recruits? It's not every day they see two blade masters battle it out."

Lucky stars, a trick of the gods, destiny— your meeting could be defined by so many different things. But one thing remained constant in your every coming together and parting…

"I'd like that!"

Rivals, friends, colleagues, lovers. The titles didn't matter much to you. This meeting once more proves you were meant to be part of Hoshina Soshiro's life in one way or another, just as he was meant to be in yours.

✦ Thank you for requesting! Nothing makes me happier than writing a request I know I can work with. 🍹 You can read more about requesting here

[astrosky33]

CHART ANALYSIS P1: The Sturniolo Triplets

Triplets/Twins Charts

Triplets and twins are born on the same day and sometimes will have the same or close birth times because of c-sections like the Sturniolo Triplets. Many people because of this ask, how do they have such different personalities but have the same chart? The explanation is astrology is a polarity and also certain challenges or situations in your life can activate specific placements more than others and in turn can give you stronger energy from that placement. Also keep in mind if the birth times are even seconds away from each other the rising degree can change which makes a big impact as well

Their Fame Indications

Some examples I will be using are in these celebrities Sidereal charts

☆. ┊Uranus in the 11th house

This is a big indication of gaining fame through social media since Uranus represents technology and the 11th house represents fans. People with this placement can easily accumulate lots of followers online. Fame may even happen for these people very suddenly since Uranus also represents sudden changes/events

Ex: Jake Paul, Noah Beck, Vinnie Hacker, IShowSpeed

☆. ┊Neptune in the 10th house

Neptune is an underrated planet when it comes to fame and not talked about much, but it represents glamour, idealization, and is also the higher octave of Venus. Placed in the 10th house which is the house of fame can not only indicate fame but also that many people are inspired by them and that they can attract many copycats

Ex: Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Walt Disney, Jesus

☆. ┊Leo stellium

Stelliums show important and prominent energies in our life similar to chart rulers and north nodes. Leo is ruled by the Sun which represents attention/spotlight so this stellium can bring you lots of attention even if unwanted

Ex: Dylan O’ Brien

☆. ┊Mercury in the 5th house and their 3rd house ruler in the 5th house

The 3rd house and Mercury represent social media and the 5th house represents attention/spotlight. This can indicate gaining lots of attention on social media more easily than others

Their 3rd house sign is Cancer (ruled by the Moon) and their Moon is in the 5th house

Ex: Addison Rae

☆. ┊Fame Degrees 11°, 17°, and 28°

Neptune at 11° (the internet fame degree) can cause many people on the internet to find you creative and be inspired by you. It can also cause people on the internet to find you very attractive. This is a big indication of fame in general as well; Ex: Olivia Rodrigo, Taylor Swift

Pluto at 17° is a big indication of fame since 17 in numerology rules over fame and Pluto represents power; Ex: The Weeknd

Moon at 28° not only indicates wealth but also is a household name degree; Ex: Kim Kardashian

Small Differences in their charts that have a big impact

Nick is the only one who has a different ascendant degree than the others. His rising degree is at 7° while Matt and Chris’ rising degree is at 8°. If you aren’t familiar with degrees click here but basically 7° is a libra degree and 8° is a scorpio degree. Your rising degree can have a huge impact on your identity, personality, mannerisms, and appearance. Libra is ruled by the planet Venus which is the planet of femininity and Nick is the most feminine one out of all of them. Some say Libra placements/degrees can also be an indication of being a part of the LGBTQ+ community and from what I’ve seen in peoples charts I do personally agree that it can be an indication

Chris is the only one that has a different Midheaven degree than the others. His MC degree is at 21° while Nick and Matt’s are at 20°. This can affect the way the public views Chris a lot differently than Matt or Nick. It can also affect Chris’ purpose in his career compared to the other two

Their Asc Persona Charts

TW: Weight

Even with their birth times all one minute apart they still have entirely different ascendant persona charts -> more about pc’s which can give them all entirely different personas and can make their appearance slightly different

Ex 1: Nick has Jupiter in the 1st house in his Ascendant Persona Chart. Jupiter can represent abundance and the 1st house represent the physical body. They’ve said before that Nick weighs 20 pounds more than Chris and Matt

More Observations

✧. ┊Saturn in the 3rd house

Your Saturn placement is an underrated place to check for insight on your career/s because Saturn rules over work. With there’s being in the 3rd house it makes sense cuz that’s the house that rules over social media and they’re YouTubers/Tiktokers

✧. ┊Neptune square Ascendant

This aspect can cause people to copy you and as you may know there’s lots of people that try to copy their videos and the things they say (ex: shebami and his friends). This is because Neptune rules over mirroring and idealization while the Ascendant represents your identity/self. It makes others want to be you and mirror you

✧. ┊Mercury conjunct Jupiter

This can indicate being very funny since Mercury represents humor and Jupiter represents comedy. It indicates being successful through social media as well

✧. ┊Astrocartography Lines through Los Angeles

In their astrocartography map they have both a north node square as line and jupiter line through LA which I’ve found are common in charts of people who are famous

If you’d like me to read your chart click here

© 𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝

[pudding-parade]

Sorry, but I have to get political on all your asses, at least those of you who live in the US. It will be a one-time thing on this subject, the only thing that I will say here about the election before it happens. And yeah, I'm going to say this on a blog devoted to a stupid video game. Why? Because I know that I have younger American people who follow me here, and if y'all are like some of the younger people I've talked to in real life and online in other venues, I have concerns. So I'm going to say all this as an old-ass, progressive American. Because if I can wake up one apathetic mind out there, it will be worth it. And if you're pissed at me for making a single political post at this important juncture, then fuck off and unfollow me or send me nasty messages or whatever you want to do. I don't care. And I'm not cutting this, either.

My dear followers: Donald Trump cannot -- CANNOT -- become president again.

Late last night, Trump posted on his Truth Social account a video containing language and images reminiscent of the World War era. It was about his fantasies of what America would be like, should he win the general election in about five months. It contained suspicious imagery and phrases like "creating a unified Reich." Does that sort of language sound familiar? Especially when combined with his rhetoric about immigrants being "vermin" that "poison the blood of our country?" Ring any bells? I'm sure it does for any German folks who might read this.

Trump's post was only taken down about 12 hours later, after backlash over it, and then Trump claimed that a "low level staffer" posted it, not him. Which is either a lie OR he was lying when he said previously that only he and his campaign's communications director have or will ever have access to that account. If you want more info about this, here's a short video from Jesse Dollemore, an independent commentator:

This election isn't about liberal/progressive vs. conservative. It truly doesn't matter what your personal ideology is because this election is about saving democracy. This is about preserving your freedoms, because we won't be able to do anything about any other issue, whatever our individual ideologies and pet issues are, if our basic freedoms upon which this country was founded -- freedom of speech and to protest, freedom of (and from) religion, freedom of the press -- are chipped away until they are gone. Because that's what autocrats do. They want freedom only for themselves, and Donald Trump and his cronies and hangers-on are all autocrat wannabes.

And if you -- Yes, you, even if you're sitting in the middle of blood-red state -- don't vote for Joe Biden, you will be doing your part to hand the autocrats what they want, because a non-vote or a vote for anyone other than Biden is in fact a vote for Trump and autocracy. Similarly, you must also vote for Democrats for all other positions, local, state, and federal so that America's overt flirtation with autocracy that's been going on since at least the 1990s might finally end once and for all.

Yes, yes, I know: "But Genocide Joe!" Think about it: Do you seriously think that Trump, who licks Netanyahu's asshole because he sees him as the kind of "strong man" that Trump wants to be, is going to help Gaza? Or that he'll go against Putin and continue aid to Ukraine? Because if you think that he will do either of those things, I have several bridges I'd like to sell you. No, Trump is going to "put America first." He says it all the time, and what he means by that is that he will do nothing except whatever it takes to keep himself and his cronies in power while also isolating America by severing ties to our allies. Gaza will be given to Netanyahu just as Ukraine will be given to Putin, should Trump win, and he won't give a shit. In the end, Biden (and Harris, should she have to take over) will listen and help Gaza, maybe not as much as we'd like because the Middle East situation is complicated and there are no simple solutions, but a Biden-led government will certainly help more than another Trumpian government would. And Biden will definitely continue to aid Ukraine, because that situation isn't complicated at all.

And in the end, it's not really about Ukraine and Gaza, though they are of course important. It's about us. Should Trump get into the White House again, he will surround himself with people who want America to be a plutocratic and authoritarian autocracy, very similar to Putin's Russia. This is not hyperbole. This is fact. A vote for Trump -- either actual or de facto by fucking around with not voting or voting for a third party because you think it's a "protest" -- is a vote to end democracy, plain and simple, which might very well mean that you'll never be able to protest again another day.

How bad could Trump be, you ask? Who cares who is president? Well, have a look at Project 2025. It's a 900-page "playbook" for the next "conservative" administration. (In quotes because there is nothing "conservative" about these people, including Trump and his cronies; they are radicals.) It is nothing less than a plan to destroy the federal government, the Constitution, and the freedoms that it enshrines and protects, which means the end of democracy. They published a similar tome before Reagan was elected, and once he was in, Reagan followed through with a lot of it. I have no doubt that Trump would, too, given that his "Agenda 47" platform is basically the same. Here is an article that summarizes Project 2025 and details some of its directives. And here is an article from Time Magazine, of all things, where the writer of it interviewed Trump about his vision for America, should he win. The first line of the article is, "Donald Trump thinks he’s identified a crucial mistake of his first term: He was too nice." You can read the transcripts of the interviews, too, so you can rest assured that the interviewer isn't being hyperbolic.

It ain't good, folks. Part of this extreme-right agenda is ridiculously expanding the power of the executive branch so that it would no longer be checked and balanced by Congress and the Supreme Court, which effectively turns the presidency into a dictatorship. And if Biden does not win, at least some of this bullshit will come to pass, especially because Trump already has the Supreme Court in his pocket. And he'll be able to appoint more young, far-right lunatics to that, too, should he win.

I'll repeat that Trump CANNOT win. I'll be the first to say that, as a pretty extreme (but also pragmatic) progressive, I'm not Biden's biggest fan, for various reasons. He is way farther right than I am, though he has been far more progressive-friendly than I expected and he has gotten some very good things done. But even if he wasn't and hadn't, he will preserve democracy and because of that, I will be voting for him without hesitation. I won't even have to hold my nose. Trump and his cronies in Congress and the Supreme Court will destroy democracy if you -- Yes, YOU! -- let them. And if you let them by deciding not to vote or doing some sort of lame "protest" vote, especially if you live in that handful of states where every presidential vote matters, you will have no one to blame but yourself and others like you. People being apathetic or doing "protest" votes is what got us Trump the first time around.

For fuck's sake, do the right thing.

[drivestraight]

good morning val drivestraight I have a question for you... can you sell me on lestappen. I follow you for general attitude swag and don't really follow many max blogs (I actually found your blog after that omega George fic lol) but I feel like you of all people could make the greatest ship primer. mostly I'm not very into it bc I feel like the shared history part of it gets overblown by fandom compared to other ships, and they're friendly enough these days that I can't get hatesex vibes form it + Max comes across as really well adjusted and kind of an homeboy. so I'm like what's the hook? what do you like? what's YOUR platonic perfect idea of lestappen? I want to follow u down this road 

omg what an honor...

this isn't much of a ship primer but mostly about me talking about why i like them if that's okay <3

i agree that we overplay their shared history, but it also provides a really nice backdrop for everything they are now. they've always been in each other's lives but in a peripheral sense. and it's that sort of distanced familiarity that is compelling to me. also the potential for intense physicality despite their inability to communicate like normal people. that's the hook to me: they are in each other's orbit but they never have been close. but then you get to the racing: and when it comes to the racing, they've really given some great battles. and that alone isn't enough. it's like - combined with who they are off the track: childhood rivals turned awkward work friends, the fact that they can race that hard and that they respect one another so much is just. so good. sometimes it feels like they can predict each other's moves. like silverstone/austria 19 (yes, mentioned to hell) and bahrain/saudi 22, the w2w there went crazy. and once again, this with everything else: that they have this one place and this one medium for them to communicate at such a high level, and are just so awkward everything else is very good. lewis and seb who have said in the past that max goes over the limit too much, while charles has always said with max, it's always on the limit and never above. obviously things might change if they ever get into a real title fight against one another, but i think they have such great foundations that it will be compelling no matter what. also they've lowkey like stood the test of time: look at how people characterized them in 2019 and how they characterize them today. they've changed so much and their relationship has changed so much but still, both of them are at two top teams, they have found each other again in f1.

also aesthetically, the red/blue of it all is really nice. and just like. They look good together. yknow

they also like. say crazy things about each other sometimes. "i will remember it all my life" / "i know max very very well" / etc. etc.

my perfect platonic idea of lestappen Is Not one where they're best friends and where max is his number 1 defender - because he is not, as many people would have you believe (everyone clipping moments from cooldown rooms and quotes from interviews are putting it out of context and putting words in max's mouth and twisting things weirdly), and because that's frankly so uncompelling and kind of pathetic to think that charles needs max to praise him/defend him for him to have any worth as a racer etc. etc. i could go on about this for ages but i won't. tldr max doesn't care enough to do that.

IN FIC my favorite lestappen is basically: an awkward lestappen who like each other so much and can't actually communicate it properly in any way that isn't physical. but maybe the physicality and the shared history and the racing can be enough.

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Hello, I am a queer/trans man who is starting a journey into Greek Orthodoxy, do you have any advice on where to start? Or things to keep in mind while practicing?

Hello! I might need a little bit more info here because if you have taken the decision to start a journey into Greek Orthodoxy you already "have started somewhere". So what more can I suggest?

Nevertheless, I have some advice for you on things to keep in mind regarding worship :)

The theology will be the same but the approach might depend on your country, even the parish. In Greece there is this attitude that the good Christian should not be judged by how many times they've stepped into the temple (temple = ναός , and that's the Greek more formal name to name a church building compared to "church" = εκκλησία) but by their personal relationship with God. Our lives can be busy so we might not be able to attend mass but we may establish a good relationship with God through prayer, fasting and being a good person.

Ofc going to church and taking communion are still significant deeds and can only give you blessings. The temple might be the "official" house of God but God is everywhere. Having a small altar/εικονοστάσι in your house can bring you closer to god while praying, through the familiar religious imagery and the practice of tending to the incense and the candle.

On the other hand, I feel like in countries like the US people are more religious, and they might attend church more often and build a community around it, so going to church can be synonymous with good worship.

Another theological point: The Trinity just means "God has appeared to us in three forms so far". It does not mean there are three gods. Water is still the same even if it's in the form of liquid, ice, or vapor. Father is God, Son is God, Spirit is God.

Orthodoxy doesn't care about the Original Sin. It's part of the Theology but it's considered symbolic and part of human nature (not a woman's nature, as Protestants/Evangelicals like to say for some reason). Orthodoxy doesn't care because this Sin was completely lifted from Humanity by Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. That Sin is gone, just like Death is gone.

Learning some Greek will give you more satisfaction in understanding the original text. Personally, I think it's very beautiful singing the hymns in Greek because the hymns were written in the Greek language in the beginning.

Attire-wise, no one will throw you out if you are dressed like you're going to the beach, but it's best advised to enter the temple in "respectable attire" aka something that you might wear while visiting relatives. Not something super formal, but just a "cared" appearance is appreciated because it's how you present yourself (literally) before God in His House.

Look at the hagiography, ask questions about the hagiography. The main purpose of the hagiography is to be a learning tool. From what I know many Greek Orthodox priests love explaining what each scene represents.

Have a respectful demeanor toward those who were there before you, the old geezers, the 3rd/4th generation ones. Do say your opinions, do defend your ideas and beliefs, but remembering you are "the new guy" will win more battles within the community. Being new doesn't make you less significant but, humans being humans, might feel threatened by any new member who insists they know better and might not consider their ideas. A slow and respectful pace might win the Greeks of Greece and the diaspora. Plus, Each religious community has its local, petty dramas and it's on you to navigate them.

You might encounter bigotry depending on the country and the parish. Greek Orthodoxy is the most ancient form of Christianity and has still kept followers with many old notions, including transphobia. But IMO if one knows the history of Christianity, they can see that many things are cultural. For example, there is just... direct ancient Hebrew law in the Orthodox Church: "A woman is not to wear male clothing, and a man is not to put on a woman’s garment, for everyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord your God." (Deuteronomy 22:5)

However, there's the more recent letter to Galatians 3:28 saying "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." This led many first Christians to believe that the ideal being was without sex, and they castrated themselves. The practice was outlawed relatively soon. All this to say that many directions of the church are purely cultural and are some are kept because of cherry-picking.

1 Timothy 2:9-10 says "Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works." Guess how many women in the Orthodox church keep the "no jewelry, no fancy hair, no costly attire" thing 😂 Orthodox temples can be proper fashion runways at times!

And let me not comment on "For if a woman does not cover her head, she might as well have her hair cut off; but if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, then she should cover her head." (1 Corinthians 11:6) It's never followed in Greek Orthodoxy especially by younger generations because people understood it's another form of misogyny. I think in time more and more people will identify and exclude the transphobic rhetoric in the church in a similar manner. (and there's a scripture which prohibits consuming blood which Greeks outright ignore in their cooking because they don't have the kosher way of draining blood from the animal in special ways 😂😂😂)

Besides, "Everything God Made, He Made with Wisdom" includes queer people. Not to mention: "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7) Even out of context, it's clear how God sees people. Even in newer scripture, Christ says “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35). "Αγαπάτε αλλήλλους" (Love each other) is the most important message Christ ever gave and it's the motto of the Orthodox Church. Christ never said "Do not be trans/gay" etc. Love reveals the Christian and Love is the Point of the religion as it is today.

Cultivating goodness inside you and doing selfless, loving good deeds is so important in the religion that even if - hypothetically - being trans is indeed a sin in the eyes of the Orthodox God, it won't even matter before the nature of your heart. Following Plato's philosophy, Greek Orthodoxy has come to separate the body from the spirit in its theology. It doesn't condemn the body but it gives the biggest importance to the spirit because the spirit is considered to be "truly you".

That's all I can think for now! My tags #greek orthodox and #greek orthodoxy might have more stuff that will interest you!

++++

[beesmygod]

I'm not the same anon, but - I feel like what you're describing does end up looking to others as "strongly principled" because it's not familiar to them. There are countless fields and parts of life where everyone seems to ascribe to a set of beliefs, but then someone comes in that actually DOES ascribe to it and fights through social discomfort and is not cowed by the need to conform, and it makes everyone uncomfortable because it's not how everyone else responds / has responded to date. It becomes them arguing "Why're you trying so hard for something that doesn't benefit you (financially, socially, through gaining power)". And even when faced with that argument, you don't change your stance.

So I feel like it's "strong" not by being forceful but by being resistant to crushing. And in experiencing all of those things that earns you the label of being strong, it becomes really unsettling to realize that everyone who seemed the same as you was actually already crushed. They just didn't realize it, because the idea of not being crushed didn't cross their minds. "This is the way the world works" and all that.

All this isn't to point toward OCD or away, but simply to say that for every diagnosis that has something like "strong sense of right and wrong" involved, there's people with them going "Wait, hold on - not everyone believes the things they were saying out loud with their mouths and posting about and putting money toward? Have I been a fool all along?"

In my experience (autism not OCD), it was easier to work through things like this emotionally once I had something to point to other than "I guess I'm a fucking naive idiot then", and it let me have/develop better tools to deal with people.

Whatever it ends up being for you (whether some diagnosis or nothing in particular), I appreciate that you're fairly open to fans and followers about what's on your mind. Here's to feeling some semblance of Better.

i read this earlier but will continue to meditate on it. ty for understanding most of what im doing here by Posting constantly is just trying to communicate with other people my confusion and frustration at Other People's behaviors in addition to external stressors making everything wilder and harder to manage.

its also just annoying to feel and be like this and feel both like the 1% of sane humans on the planet while simultaneously knowing thats a bad path to go down mentally. but man i dont have a lot of love in my heart for comics or comic makers as a whole right now and that generalized misanthropy is infesting everything i used to enjoy because its impossible to ignore the completely avoidable situation everyone subjected themselves and the next generation to. for what? a little bit of money?

[echofromtheabyss]

Medium talk is worse than small talk and probably what we're all most afraid of

We all know Small Talk:

hi, how are you, nice weather, how about them (insert sports team here).

Small talk follows algorithms and a kind of ritual pattern. It's the kind of appropriate conversation level for interacting with retail workers in public, and total strangers.

We also all know Big Talk. (I'm only calling it that as the logical inverse implied by Small Talk.) Which is basically where a high degree of familiarity is assumed. A common ND fuckup is conversing in conversational modes that, to many of the general population, are reserved for high familiarity. Either in terms of talking at length about a topic (which I feel is something that was actually more socially acceptable in the past, but has become broadly unacceptable over time; this was NOT really part of a diagnostic category in the 70s) or in terms of overfamiliarity/not being at the right level of social distance from the person for the thing you're talking about.

Most people rely on lots of context cues that inform how they will hear what the other person is saying, and those context cues may not be there for a near-stranger. All they're left with is the most uncharitable possible assumption about your intentions.

So with this in mind, this leaves me with the WORST conversation category, that nobody acknowledges, because we're stuck on Small Talk and Big Talk:

Medium Talk.

You actually need something in common with the other person or something you relate to, to really successfully do Medium Talk. Small talk can be done with total strangers you're never going to see again, and Big Talk can cut past a lot of stuff; I don't need every social belongingness or ideological thing or hobby in common with my family members, or other people in a high-trust relationship with me, to have a meaningful conversation with them.

Medium Talk is actually where a lot of the tripwires and landmines are.

People are making decisions to escalate or de-escalate here, and listening for loyalty indicators. You run the risk of keeping things superficial while missing an actual connectedness bid, or of being overly familiar - or getting too comfortable and offending/scaring the other person before they have any context for processing what you're saying to them.

Medium Talk is when you're moving from the Social Niceties, along the continuum toward Big Talk. You're dipping your toe in the water, moving toward the deep end.

Average to high social skills people will often throw out feelers about escalating the conversation. In the 90s, LGBT people would sometimes drop hints about some or other thing that only other LGBT people would know about, based upon some kind of context cue. There is ultimately some of this same dynamic going on with some forms of nerdy gatekeeping ("name one star war") albeit in a clumsy way.

But people do it all the time.

I think there is a tendency for some people to assume talk is 100% verbal while habitually ignoring the visual and relational context cues that are processed as communication. It's especially hard for people who *can't* process that information, but I think that there are lots of reasons some people end up just not learning to do it.

People often escalate small talk based upon presence of some kind of marker such as a nerdy enamel pin, or a sports jersey. This is what wearing tons of geek swag is actually all about. 70s-80s social skills guides and advice for single people, often advised having/carrying/wearing some kind of "conversation starter."

Once I learned about 70s/80s/90s gay hanky code, I realized that there was a lot of this going on in all kinds of ways and that people scan other people visually for various kinds of context cues for the escalation of small talk.

A big problem is getting too "real" too fast, and people in the Medium Talk Zone will commonly use celebrities, low-stakes fandom stuff, and the like as socially acceptable proxies for discussing their viewpoints while saving face. If you are still in a low trust space, then the problem with just blurting stuff out to another person is that they don't know you well enough to have any context for what you are saying.

Most people are processing a ton of context cues while you are speaking, besides the words you are saying. When still in a low trust zone, you are likely to be taken in bad faith. You saying the same thing that their friend said, is not being heard by their brains as actually the same thing.

Nor is your presentation of the project being heard by the boss as being the same presentation that is being given by the shinier co-worker who steals it from you.

Most people don't just process the information, they process *who is saying it* as a *necessary part* of that information.

And this is where Medium Talk is so dicey.

Small Talk? No problem. Most of us can do it on a good day and most of us do it without realizing how much we do it.

[hamiltonconfessions-but-better]

an overview of the events surrounding the old hamilton confessions blog + proof that @\hamiltonconfessions was instrumental in its destruction

reposting because the post wouldn't show up in the tags and my perfectionism was bugging me

i. to begin with, i must kindly request that absolutely no harassment, death threats, insults, etc be sent to @\hamiltonconfessions or anyone else involved in this situation. there has been a lot of confusion going around in the wake of everything that happened. the purpose of this post is to clear up that confusion by providing all the information pertaining to this situation in one place, as well as bring attention to some ongoing issues within the fandom - not to contribute to an environment where said issues continue to exist, uninhibited.

ii. the first part of this post closely corresponds with one made by @\jittyjames. in it, she goes into more detail regarding her role in this and raises some very good points, so i highly encourage everyone to read her post as well. UPDATE: @/hamiltonconfessions was deactivated within roughly two hours of me posting this. this post will continue to serve its function as a record of everything that transpired.

part 1 - @\hamiltonfandomconfessions and its ending

if you are reading this post, you will have known of the existence of this blog and will be somewhat familiar with the hostile atmosphere that developed in the last week or so before it was deleted. people were arguing left and right, creators were being publicly called out and harassed. topics that were discussed on the blog ranged from ship wars to incest to whitewashing allegations. within a few days, a single confessions blog had caused enough chaos that it was being mentioned outside of its own posts, drama was spilling out beyond its confines and into the blogs of those involved, and even people who generally stayed in their own niches and did not interact with the fandom at large had become aware that something was going on.

on friday the 27th of september, the following confession was posted by the blog:

in response to which, jami (@\jittyjames) sent this:

her confession was posted, but deleted shortly thereafter. she sent two follow-up asks and was replied to thusly:

some people who had been around to see both her original ask and the confession that it was serving as a response to were upset by the lacklustre and nonsensical moderating inherent in the decision to allow harassment and death threats to run amuck, but delete an entirely innocuous post for reasons unknown, as well as the implications of jami's deleted confession having been specifically about queerness.

in particular, this was sent to the blog:

on saturday the 28th of september, @\hamiltonfandomconfessions was deactivated.

with the mod having spontaneously claimed to be deleting confessions by request and having inexplicably singled out jami's confession among the myriad of others, there is much to be remarked upon regarding the likelihood of something here not being right. the above essay delves into questioning the more incongruous details fairly well, so i will spare you any more of my own thoughts on the matter.

part 2 - @\hamiltonconfessions and its glaring disingenuity

on sunday the 29th of september, one day after the deletion of @\hamiltonfandomconfessions, a new blog, @\hamiltonconfessions, posted this:

for someone who would later go on to argue that they are not the previous blog's mod and ostensibly are not affiliated with it in any way, it is interesting to note a few things:

a) the rather short amount of time that passed between the deletion of the old blog and the creation of the new one;

b) the rules listed are, besides being insufficient for the fostering of a good community within the limits of a confessions blog, fairly generic, save for one specific rule. a rule which happens to express a uniquely idiotic opinion paralleled in the very first screenshot included in this post.

this is important, because few people had seen that confession, fewer had seen jami's response and the conversation that followed, and even fewer still were up to this point aware that the old blog's death was, as all the contributing evidence would lead one to believe, directly related to and brought on by everything talked about in part 1 of this post.

@\jittyjames posted her version of the events, in which she commented similarly on the above, and they replied:

around the same time, they removed the rule and asserted several times on their blog that they had no relation whatsoever to the original blog and its creator:

it is worthwhile to point out that "i changed my opinion about slurs. ok" is brief, vague and not indicative of an actual change of heart. the conviction present in their previous statements also does not fit the haste with which they apparently reconsidered their stance. all of the above screenshots, to me, look like damage control - they know that people are onto them and are desperately scrambling to hold up the crumbling fiction of their image as an innocent, clueless person who accidentally ended up embroiled in an ongoing scandal.

now, the tone of @\hamiltonfandomconfessions' reply to all of jami's asks could be said to be disproportionately aggressive and rude, as opposed to her own relatively respectful language. previously, this fact has been attributed to possible queerphobia. and without taking away from the relevance and validity of that theory, i would like to propose a few ideas regarding the identity of the mod of @\hamiltonconfessions:

a) they were the mod of @\hamiltonfandomconfessions, sent themselves the confession that compared slurs to the word "whore" and got offended when people disagreed;

b) they did not send that confession, but were the mod of @\hamiltonfandomconfessions and included that rule in the original pinned post of @\hamiltonconfessions in a ploy to avoid the drama and discussions that caused them to delete their previous blog;

c) they are a friend of or otherwise have some degree of closeness with the mod of @\hamiltonfandomconfessions, and as such were made aware of everything that was going on and acted accordingly in the aftermath.

either way, there is no doubt that, somehow, @\hamiltonconfessions was involved in everything that has happened over the past few days. i therefore raise you the following question: knowing that this person is directly connected to the previous blog, the opinions they have held and the way they have handled this situation so far, their strange, dishonest behaviour and refusal to acknowledge any criticism or commentary regarding their actions, do you feel comfortable continuing to frequent their blog? knowing that there is a very high chance that what happened with @\hamiltonfandomconfessions, its upsetting and divisive effect on our community, is going to happen with @\hamiltonconfessions as well?

conclusion

regardless of whether the mods of @\hamiltonconfessions and @\hamiltonfandomconfessions are friends or one and the same, there is a manifest lack of organisation present throughout the infinitesimal history of the new blog. one could argue that the very creation of the blog - only a day following the death of the previous one - speaks to a certain inability or unwillingness to think things through. in two short days, the pinned post was updated no less than three times. the existing rules, fairly vague and unenforceable, are missing several precautions that would prevent the mistreatment of its users and could well have been scribbled down on a post-it note five minutes prior to the blog officially becoming active. an example - "just be patient pls", a confusing and likely entirely useless rule, as juxtaposed with the absence of any rule regarding name-dropping until one of the subsequent updates to the pinned post.

overall, with the disorderly state of @\hamiltonconfessions' moderation and the inaptness and duplicity displayed by its mod, i do not expect this new blog to last very long without devolving into the very same cesspit that caused such grief to the fandom and tore the first blog apart.

[colorfuldonutrunaway]

Made the ref sheet for my other main oc, a character who is a romantic asexual.

So I'm going to edit this to explain the metrics a bit more.

*Name: Rei was created by rogue Japanese scientist Akira Watanabe, using the DNA of a deceased Vulpine (a race of sapient fox folk thought to be extinct) and his own genes, effectively creating a strange hybrid son. Legally, this would be his name (in western order) if the Japanese Government knew he existed.

*Nicknames: Americanized version of his first name, and Fox generally being what he's called by employees.

*Race: On account of being a human hybrid, he takes DNA from Dr.Watanabe, and immigrated to America, making him Japanese-American on his human side. His other half is a Vulpine, a race of sapient fox-men who lived on the Japanese isles thousands of years ago and potentially inspired the stories of the kitsune.

*Age: 21 as of 2024, thus being created in 2003.

*Gender: Male, biologically and identifies as such.

*Alignment: Chaotic Good. Ray is willing to do good things, even if it means breaking the rules or doing something risky.

*Job: Scientist who wants to follow in his father's/Creator's footsteps by uncovering secrets of the universe and contributing to the knowledge of humanity.

*Perception and Communication: Has decent sense, and a good communicator, but will sometimes doubt his senses or get nervous.

*Persuasion and Mediation: He can do a decent job convincing people to do stuff by pointing out pros and cons. Mediation is something he isn't great at because he doesn't like getting in the middle of a situation between other people that he's not already a part of.

*Literacy and Creativity: Dr.Watanabe gave Ray access to mountains of literature to learn how to read and absorb information from the world around him. His sense of creativity has blossomed as a result. He can think of many creative ways to solve problems at any given moment, and has been taught how to speak Japanese, English, and Chinese fluently.

*Cooking: Do NOT let this poor bastard cook! It will not end well!

*Tech savvy: Watanabe raised him surrounded by lab machinery, computers, and engineering tools so that he could take care of himself. This has led Ray to be able to efficiently repair most machines, operate with any type of computer, and code effectively.

*Combat: He was given some martial arts training by a local school, but he's still a bit physically weak.

*Survival: Again, given mountains of books and personal training by Akira have given him a good grasp on how to survive in the wilderness (or at least Hokkaido's wilderness) as well as being prepared for emergency situations.

*Stealth: His small size allows him to slink around without detection, but his bright orange fur and tendency to carry gadgets in his pockets can hinder this easily.

*Street smarts: Oof, he hasn't had a chance to socialize growing up, and only left the lab to run errands. So he's not fully familiar with the nuances of how humans behave. This especially hit hard when he arrived in America after Roman found him.

*Seduction: Infertile hybrid + asexuality means he struggles hard. Doesn't help that he's seen more as 'cute' rather than 'sexy', so it destroys any attempts at him being seductive.

*Luck: Isn't anymore or less lucky than the average person I suppose.

*Handling Animals: His fox appearance leads to most animals, especially dogs and cats, being scared or aggressive to him.

*Pacifying children: Children crying or screaming hurts his ears severely, so he refuses to assist in calming one down unless absolutely necessary.

*Strength: Not very physically strong.

*Dexterity: Great with rapidly typing, using weapons, and putting things together quickly.

*Health: Excellent care has led to him having a good body, but he's not going to take a lot of hits in a fight.

*Energy: Very energetic bundle of fur.

*Beauty: Some people find the curly fur on his face aesthetically pleasing.

*Style:...But he wears a lab coat almost 24/7.

*Hygiene: Very fastidious about his fur and how he smells. Being a fox though, he's naturally a little musty.

*Intelligence: Watanabe created him with a brain that can retain insane amounts of information and can learn at quick speeds. Therefore, he's highly intelligent as he knows a few languages, learned the sciences of Astronomy, biochemistry, mathematics, aerodynamics, and ballistics, and is a fan of old literature.

*Happiness: Being raised in an isolated laboratory has made him very self-critical and introspective. Being abruptly taken from his home country to America has also impacted his sense of self with the culture shock. He becomes more chipper when Roman lets him work in his lab and experiment with stuff.

*Spirituality: Raised without religion, Ray becomes agnostic after reading about things relating to the idea of a higher power. But he does no rituals or ceremonies, and attends no place of worship.

*Confidence: He's ready to take on the world and show how intelligent he is. And nothing can stop him.

*Humor: Akira entertained him with access to television, which helped him not be so far removed from the world outside the lab. This also led to him discovering comedy. Ray loves surrealist humor.

*Anxiety: It significantly spiked after Dr.Watanabe's passing and his subsequent kidna-immigration to America by Romanov. But after awhile, he settled into his new home and began to use the lab as his own, reminding him of the good ol' days.

*Patience: He feels like time is a valuable resource, so he refuses to be in a situation that doesn't need his attention.

*Passion: Should've been higher, because he's extremely passionate about science and changing the world for the better.

*Charisma: He knows some basic psychology about humans that he can exploit, but he's not a master of social cues.

*Empathy: This is where it gets kinda strange...Ray has a supernatural power. Referred to as the "Memory-Empath" skill, it allows him to see and feel the memories of others by making eye contact with them for an extended period of time. For example, looking into the eyes of a happy child with their father shows a memory of the child playing a game of catch with their father, and Ray can also feel the sun on the kid's face, the sense of approval from the father, the smell of the grass nearby. This has created a person who is very sensitive to the emotions of others, and he cares deeply for the welfare of his friends.

*Generosity: He's willing to give for a cause and donate things he doesn't need to someone who needs it more, but don't expect big handouts from him.

*Wealth: Not sure what to put here.

*Aggression: Not very aggressive, as he was raised to be very polite and well-behaved by Dr.Watanabe, who in his own right, is a great-grandfather. He's pretty old world.

*Libido: As stated before, being a sterile hybrid and asexual has led to him having a decreased libido. (disclaimer: I'm not saying that asexual people lack them, it's just difficult to turn him on)

I'll add more when I can, but I'm good for now.

[soulprompts]

I had a few quick thoughts in the middle of the night when i read your prompts and comments, so, i thought: ''Just made this roleplay blog a week ago and i'm too insecure to ask anyone for roleplay''

But here i am, reading to get some inspiration even if i don't roleplay right now or have mutuals because everything is foreign to me, thank you very much, at least i can daydream about silly scenarios :")

hi my friend! let me start by thanking you for sending this in, i'm so glad you like my prompts, and i'm very touched that you reached out! i also wanna say that you can absolutely skip the next two paragraphs, i'm waffling, i love waffling, i refuse to change this about myself!

now i wanna respond with a few little-known facts about myself. when i first joined tumblr, years and years ago, i made a natasha romanoff blog because i thought it'd be the best way to start up in the rpc. it took me a month, a MONTH, to so much as follow another soul on that blog. and it was a mess, like i didn't have a rules page, i didn't have a bio, i had very limited understanding of the rpc, i was just this teenager who was beyond pumped to write with people! then i realized my anxiety outweighed the excitement and i did nothing for a solid month.

then, after that month, i guess i just chose a rare moment of confidence to start following people, and they helped me massively, i still write with them to this day! but part of the reason that i wasn't hitting it off with a lot of people was because i really didn't feel comfortable writing natasha romanoff. like, it felt like an obligation. and i suppose i picked her to please people, and i'll always stand by this, it was the dumbest thing i ever did! so then i started writing my female OC, and i am still so lucky to have surrounded myself with friends who love and support her to this day, and because i was passionate about writing her story, i began to gain more mutuals! bc people can pick up on that, yk? they can always tell when you're really invested in something. i wrote five paragraphs about my OCs moisturiser (nivea) and honestly i'm very proud of it!

'blue, why are u talking about this?' excellent question! it's because in the month i was literally taking a vow of silence, i still scrolled through the dash. i wanted to understand the rpc in my own space! i read prompt lists, headcanons, ooc posts, threads, drabbles, metas, you name it. and while i was reading them, like you mentioned, it DID feel foreign!! and that's the BEST way to describe it! it's a whole new language, a whole new set of rules and norms and systems to understand! isn't it absolutely wild how we just expect people to figure it out over night?? madness! you're doing so so well just by being here and getting yourself familiar with this place! even if you spend the next year just reading prompts and thinking of scenarios, you're still doing a fantastic job!

tumblr can be a fantastic place, but it's still a brand new experience, and most of us have been here for so long that we understand the general gist of what's going on. we know the good, the bad and the ugly sides of everything. and what i always strive for in this particular blog is to have a space where people can ask for help and support one another, because let's be honest, if we can't do that, then why on earth are we calling ourselves a community? so if you have any questions, or if you want some help, please don't be scared to ask! i can already tell that you've got the perfect mindset for the rpc!

[darklinaforever]

Hey, I just want you to know that someone sent me this shit. I don't know what this person is talking about, but just know that some offended kid is clearly bored and spreading such nonsense. Because yes, it sounds like nonsense and anyone familiar with similar procedures knows this. Especially since it was sent to me for some reason, lol.

Thank you for letting me know about this and supporting me ! Besides, it will be sad to no longer have you among our regular accounts talking about HOTD / FIRE AND BLOOD, I will miss you a lot in that regard, it was always great to read your answers ! 🥰

Otherwise, other than that, to get back to this damn message... I guess this is the perfect time to tell the whole story ?

Basically everything starting with the fact that I didn't know (and still don't know) how to take the gender change from Michael (a male character who has existed since 2004 and whom I have personally loved for several years already) to Michaela Stirling and that I was hoping that Sophie Beckett's character wouldn't undergo that kind of change no. more in the future, as many people were hoping to see her become a man on screen (and thank god that apparently won't happen) for a romance with Benedict. This kind of opinion has caused me to be insulted as a homophobe and queerphobe in general.

Why is this important when we are talking about a story of plagiarism ? You will understand.

The fact is that I am not homophobic or queerphobic. Those who follow me have already seen me posting on queer community posts and talking about my frustration with queerbaiting. Not only that but also know that I am a bi woman. (And contrary to what the antis say, no that's not a lie to be able to better spread my anti-LGBT remarks, which I have never had !)

As for this plagiarism thing, it turns out that someone (apparently named Grace, so we'll call her that now) accused me of plagiarizing her post that I liked, my own post having been post a few hours later after her own post :

Except I'm sorry, I didn't plagiarize anything at all.

Yes I liked her post, but I also liked other posts with almost the same arguments. By the time I wrote my post, his had disappeared from my memory, drowned in tons of others that I had liked.

This person basically acted as if I had written my post while looking at theirs, which is, as you will have gathered, not true.

The fact is that it is logical that the arguments are found when we talk about canonical events that happened in a show that we have all seen and a book that we have all read for the most part. We literally state canon things in these two formats. Logically it looks similar.

Also, officially, the reason I wrote this post is because, like I said, I saw a conversation talking about the topic : Will the plot be the same despite the gender change by Michael ? Essentially, that make me write my little post was this.

So Grace came in the comments and reblogs on this post to accuse me of plagiarism and I basically told her that well no, without being particularly mean or rude in my opinion, and only one person that I know of came to take my defense in comment @theweeklydiscourse and once again, she was polite and not mean. If you don't believe me, here's the conversation in the comments section :

Then, this person decided to publish a post asking for a second opinion / others opinions, to confirm whether or not I had plagiarized her.

I wasn't active at the time when she had to do it, and when I went there (since she had essentially tagged my name, obviously I had gotten the notification) she had blocked the comments and reblogged on her post.

Then later her account could no longer be found. I thought she had blocked me.

And that's when I received the news in anonymous that she was in the hospital because she hurt herself, because I apparently had harassed her, had encouraged my friends to also do this, that she would have received insults and death threats in comments and also private messages, etc.

And if all this (the party where she received hateful comments and private messages up to death threats) is true (because I remind you that we do not have proof that this is the case !) I have absolutely nothing to do with it.

Maybe yes, it's possible that Grace received hate messages from my community, or not from my community for that matter, because in the end we don't know since she deleted everything. But the fact is, whatever was in those comments, I know absolutely nothing about it.

I repeat I did not harass this girl or encourage anyone to do so !

Having myself been the victim of harassment almost throughout my schooling and having also had problems on tumblr, I can assure you that I will never encourage anyone to harass !

And the fact is that now I receive tons of hate messages, accusing me of plagiarizing people in a general way, of being anti LGBT, of pretending to be Bi to spread my LGBT hatred in tumblr. To advocate pedophilia (because I like Sareth and Sessrin I guess ?) incest, (because I like Daemyra and Borgiacest I guess ? In addition to writing a story myself with an incestuous romance between brother and sister in a fantasy world ?) abuse of all kinds, etc. (We really need to teach these people that liking things in fiction has nothing to do with real life...) That me and my community are disgusting. That I harass many people and encourage my followers to do so. That I have no life. That I am trashy, disturbing, etc.

Not to mention that the friend of this so-called Grace herself accuses me of all these things. Even going as to say that I am heartless ! I still remind you that overall this is what I said :

How the hell does that make me heartless ?

And all this hatred, who showed up after the first message from this so-called friend of Grace, obviously coming from pompous moral superiority, literally comes from people who also proudly claim that they created a discord account on me to spit on me. (And this apparently comes from Rhaenicent stans and therefore from a community linked to HOTD...)

Do you realize the paradox and the hypocrisy of all that ?

And obviously, these same people are actually also going to insult Grace for being "an anti-LGBT person". Because if I "plagiarized" it since I am accused of making anti-LGBT remarks, according to them it would be obvious that the person I plagiarized is also anti-LGBT.

What is false, her message which was also the only one that she had published on her account I specify, did not contain any mention of the LGBT community but in fact speaks, like mine, generally of the fact that the basis of the relationship Fran x John x Michael was different from the book, and indeed, it wasn't the same thing.

(Something that has once again been noted a lot on the networks in general. Hell, even my friend who doesn't have the networks deduced the same things !)

So not only am I accused of homophobia but also this person, whose drama these weirdos are using (if it's true once again) to try to take me down more than they already do. They say she's pathetic, and who knows maybe she'll kill herself, lol ! Essentially, their words, not mine :

Essentially, this is all just an excuse for the antis to basically, well, harass me again. Because at this point, that's what's happening. Did you still see what @nrilliree received ? It’s the fucking upside down world after all. (Besides, that makes me laugh... I'm not allowed to like several fandoms ? It's a crime to like several things on tumblr now ? What a joke...)

Why do trolls like me so much ? I don't understand ! 😂

The point is, I'm going to repeat what I've already said :

It's not very complicated to understand anyway ?

I wanted to give my overall version of the facts. Now you do what you want with it. The fact is that I know very well what is going on and I have a clear conscience. In any case, I thank everyone who supports me. You are adorable and I all love you very much !!!

[mountmortar]

hi, i saw your post about different socials/sites and i'm curious to ask what your experience on mastodon has been like? i've been interested in checking it out but it's hard to know what kind of "instance" i should join in that case, or generally what the culture/etiquette there is like!

OKAY. so! your experience on mastodon will be heavily influenced by the instance you join—it might be best to shop around for instances that fit your interests! for example, i use mastodon primarily to get tech news/web news that nobody else on the web seems to talk about, so i joined the tech.lgbt instance. as such, when i log on there, i definitely see shitposts and things from the younger members of the instance (early 20s) but even the shitposts tend to relate to tech things a lot of the time. it's pretty much a lot of tech talk. some instances let you view what other people on the instance are saying before you join—you'll see the the option for "live feeds" on the right side (if you're on a computer), for example! mastodon.social, the most generic and popular instance (249k active users as of right now), has this option. obviously, if you join a generic instance like this, you'll see a lot of EVERYTHING. an instance for fandom is blorbo.social, a popular one for anime/manga content is sakurajima.moe, which i've also linked the live feed to! you can find a metric fuckton of instances to search through here!

i've been part of three instances—mastodon.social (generic), mas.to (also generic) and tech.lgbt (topic-oriented). being part of the generic instances ultimately gives you the most general social media experience, and you'll probably find yourself ignoring your local server feed (the other people who are in the same instance) and curating your experience via people you follow the same way you would on here! being part of a nicher, topic-specific instance may provide you with more entertainment right off the bat based solely on the fact that you are already connected with people who are also interested in things you like.

(ultimately, it's just like picking an email provider—yahoo, gmail, aol, etc.—that allows you to communicate with people with both the same email provider or with different email providers! it's just that it also comes with a community page of people who use the same email provider as you, if that makes sense at all. just find one you like, read the rules, and you're good to go!)

using mastodon is a LOT like using twitter, if you're familiar with it—it has its own lingo, of course (toot instead of tweet, for example), but the layout of the site/app is pretty twitter clone-ish. the difference is that while twitter is, in recent times.........Conservative/Right-Leaning As Hell, mastodon is so liberal/left-leaning that i've seen people describe it as TOO liberal/left-leaning, lmao. if you join a niche instance and venture outside of it, prepare to see a lot of political posts. interaction between users is encouraged, though because it IS filled with a lot of techy people no matter what instance you join, prepare to see the occasional techbro every now and then. it's easy to avoid them, though.

a Very Big Thing about mastodon—the circles i'm in, at least—is that alt text on images is a MUST. if you've never done alt text on images before, be prepared to learn or whatever you post WILL be ignored to hell and back because some people will straight up refuse to interact if you post an image with no alt text. it's also important to note that some instances of mastodon have moderation problems, which you might find being discussed by users on there a lot.

ultimately, i'd say my experience on mastodon has been positive—i've followed some genuinely interesting people on there (a lot of university professors and people in the workforce—i've learned more about SpaceX satellite waste in the last few months because of an astronomy professor i followed than i ever would've had i not joined!). if you don't feel like eternally searching for an instance you like, there's nothing wrong with just joining a generic, "catch-all" instance and then just seeking out people to follow. just make sure to read and follow the rules of an instance (which usually amounts to "be friendly" "no hate speech" and whatnot—depends on the instance, but it's all the same) and you'll be fine no matter how you talk or interact. you might find some instances that prefer you to use tone tags and some whose userbase has never even heard of tone tags—there's a lot of different "holes in the ground", so to speak!

(i will say—despite me linking a couple of fandom instances above, there really isn't much of a fandom presence on mastodon as of right now. not that i've seen, at least. you'll find a lot more people talking about their real-world interests (tech, gardening, marine biology, knitting, whatever) than you will someone going nuts over a fictional character. so if you're super into fandom, or super into a NICHE fandom, you may find yourself a bit lonely over there if you don't have a group of friends to migrate with you. if you don't mind that, then it works out! )

i hope this helped a bit! ^.^

EDIT: FORGOT TO MENTION. CONTENT WARNINGS ARE A BIG THING OVER THERE. you can hide your post behind a sort of "spoiler" type warning (like discord basically) and a lot of instances require you to content warn for certain content (gore, food, etc.) it's a VERY big thing.

[keshetchai]

Heyyyy do you have any advice for a potential convert/person exploring Judaism going to services for the first time. I have big anxiety and want to show up respectfully but not totally sure what to expect and how to approach it.

Sure! I definitely have advice.

First, like I said recently, we're currently still in the month of Tishrei, and every Jewish professional is absolutely drowning because this month is jam packed with the high holy days, & Hebrew school/Sunday school is starting back up. This is the absolute busiest time of year for anyone who is a "professional Jew." (Rabbis, cantors, synagogue front admin, etc etc).

What that means is this: I strongly recommend waiting until after October 15th (which will begin the Hebrew month of Cheshvan) to try contacting anyone about conversion. You're just much more likely to be able to get in touch with someone, send an email or make a phone call and get a timely response and/or someone with enough bandwidth to really engage with you.

I'm not saying they'll ignore you right now, or to stay away! Just that your email could end up lost or the people in question might be hard to reach because they're doing 50 million things right now. And I wouldn't want you to think that was personal or to make you anxious!

Okay so, the list looks like this:

Try reaching out after Oct 15th this year (when Tishrei is over).

A good basic book you might be able to find in a local chain bookstore is Anita Diamant's To Choose a Jewish Life which is all about conversion! She is a liberal Jew (reform) and the book leans that way, but it does just cover some general considerations and topics as a good starter.

You can try browsing myjewishlearning.com or watching Bimbam videos (youtube) for basic 101 concepts.

If you've found a local synagogue you would like to try visiting, go to the website. See if you can find the admin assistant email or the rabbi's email. Then send an email explaining you're interested in exploring/learning about Judaism and have considered you may be interested in converting and would like to attend a shabbat service for the first time. This is basically all I did! I sent an email to two rabbis at two synagogues I was considering, and one of them replied immediately and I went that very week.

I have anxiety too but it was extremely easy for me, and I'm pretty lucky that my rabbi is pretty familiar with converts and conversion. Not every rabbi has had converts or even a fair amount of converts though, so some of them might be navigating a new thing to them too!

What made my first shabbat really easy was this:

- basically the response email answered my dress code question, assured me I was welcome to join the next service as a guest and he would be happy to meet/do introductions, and then he gave me the name of someone at the synagogue who would be a great community member to sit with/who could help me follow the service, and said he'd introduce me.

So like, to me, that was the most helpful part, which was that when I arrived a little before the start time, we got to say hi and then he introduced me to a woman who sat with me and was able to help me gain a footing. Or at least who could help me when I was totally lost lol! If no one suggests it to you unprompted, you can always ask if there's anyone in the community they'd recommend you sit with to help you acclimate. It's also totally okay to sit in the back.

You won't know everything the first few times! There's also no musical notation if people sing (so it doesn't matter if you read music or not)! I can't guarantee the synagogue will have full transliteration into English for the service! There's a whole other language you probably don't know being used. Lots of people who show up could do the service with their eyes closed. It is OKAY that you don't start there! It's okay to have no idea when to bow or to not know every prayer ahead of time!

Don't worry that you're not sure what's happening. Most of the time people will be super friendly! They'll also want to know all about you. You can either tell them you're wanting to convert/learn more or you can tell them a limited truth.

If I don't feel like explaining my whole backstory to someone, I usually just say "oh, my parents weren't really/super religious." (This is true for me! my parents werent super religious! But they are christians who aren't super religious. I usually just say I converted nowadays, I don't feel a need to hide it if pressed, but yanno. Sometimes I didn't want to have to explain I never went to Jewish summer camp to a stranger at a random event who wants to play Jewish geography)

Anyways most people will probably be very friendly to a new face/stranger and want to know allll about you at oneg (usually like, snacks after shabbat service) if they don't recognize you and you seem alone. (it's also highly likely there will be a lot of regular people who are a lot older than you, so don't be surprised if you basically get treated like a visiting grandkid. It's kinda great.)

Eventually you learn a lot just by immersion and showing up again and again. There's a pattern you can pick up. Tunes to songs may change and eventually you'll come to recognize the most common ones.

I know it's hard to like hear "hey it's okay don't worry too much" if you have anxiety, because, well, I have anxiety! I know you can't just turn it off! BUT I assure you, if you are made to feel unwelcome or bad, then that just isn't a good synagogue to be going to anyways. It's more likely they're just not a good fit for you than anything wrong with you, yanno? And the first rabbi you talk to may not be the one you want to stick with. That's okay too!

I was extremely nervous my first few services, and honestly everyone was just really nice and helpful. I think the other rabbi I emailed didn't end up replying to that email (it probably got lost!) and it ended up being fine, I stuck with the one who replied right away because we got along and clicked.

My last piece of advice is to go ahead and buy yourself a notebook/journal and keep a book for yourself.

This book can/should be any number of things!

For some inspiration, this book can be:

A journal about your religious journey prior to this point and currently

Write about what you believe now, what you think, what you aren't sure about

Write down the books you're recommended, given, or borrowed

Write down questions you have

Write down the complicated or uncomfortable things you worry or think about

Write about experiencing x or y thing for the first time and what you were interested in, confused by, etc

Cut out/copy down Jewish recipes!

Note things that you find joy in or are confused or bored by!

Take notes during classes/readings of books/etc

Write down notes during meetings with your rabbi!

Torah study notes! What'd you learn? What'd someone else say you found interesting? Questions? Thoughts? Etc.

It's a big process! A lot is going on, and it's worthwhile to record your personal feelings and studies in some way! It doesn't have to be a serious diary or a really studious study notebook, it can literally just be...a catch-all book and it is for no one but yourself to benefit from, so it doesn't have to look any which way. But it's very worthwhile, even if you later change your mind and don't convert, you'll still have all that spiritual exploration journaling and notes for yourself as part of your growth!